covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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