Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
