the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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