it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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