I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
