So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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