I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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