I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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