I'm drive I can fine osifer
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
where are my eyebrows?
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