I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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