I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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