For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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