Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
