On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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