I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
