Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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