Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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