She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
