I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I can text with my tongue
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
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