i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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