I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
