I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
