Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
