the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
