Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
