the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
