he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
