FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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