well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Randomize