You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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