Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
