so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
