He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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