I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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