I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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