I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
