I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
