you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
