i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
