Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
