I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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