the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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