Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
