You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
