I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
