Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
