I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
