Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
