if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
