R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
