Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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