Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
