I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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