so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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