arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
