my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
