I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize