I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
