I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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