sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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