a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize