I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize