Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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