you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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