She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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