when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
