last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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