i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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