Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
