I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
