you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
