I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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