I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We are two peas in an std pod
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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