so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
