My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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