Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
