dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
