dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
worst night to have a conscience
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
