I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
