So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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