Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
