yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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