A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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