I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
