she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
a search helicopter?!
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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