hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
