I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
