I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
