Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
