My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
