I wish I could teleport
my phone needs a breathalizer
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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