evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We named our party play list daddy issues
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
