I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
