So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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