Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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