i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
