ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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