the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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