I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
