I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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