Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
