Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
