i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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