Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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