I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
