They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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