Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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