His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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