She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
