There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize
