He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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