Your tits are I can't wait for
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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