3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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