so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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